those are good... right?
I've actually been online for most of that time, rethinking things and reflecting on the current state of my life. A LOT of major drama has popped up in recent weeks and it's driving me mad.
My brother might get kicked out, along with my stepmother's brother, he's 50/50 with me, annoying as hell half the time, but sometimes e can be cool. My brother and I are usually annoying the hell out of each other but occasionally we're almost-sorta-semi-OK with each other.
As you can imagine, there has been plenty of yelling, tension, and awkward moments in my house during all of this. I haven't felt like myself and the past couple days my dad's been pestering me about my mood and why I've been saying life is "OK" rather than my usually answer of "pretty darn good."
Things have been eating away at me and it's not just all this drama at home, a lot of it is internal struggle and still questioning who and what I am. The last time I felt like this was when I first realized my attraction for men. I hate this feeling.
In other news, I'm going to be headed up to Louisville, KY next month, should be pretty fun as it's the only thing I've done all summer. I'm really trying to organize something with my friends, particularly my two best friends up there, Shelby and Natalie.
As I'm typing this there is a LOT of screaming in the house from my little, undisciplined brat stepsisters. On rare occasions they can be good, especially when they're around my father who doesn't take any one's bullshit, but almost any other time they're wild as fuck. Let me go shut the door..
Haven't talked to Ryan in a while on AIM or Myspace. Well, there was an exchange of comments the other day, but not the usual late-night AIM chats we've been having. If you're reading this Ryan I'M SORRY! I hope you don' think I'm blowing you of or something. I know you've been in Massachusetts and everything so you probably have been crazy busy with the fun stuff to do out there.
Gonna try to make a video tonight. I actually made one two days ago but it got interrupted because I disconnected while uploading. It was a shit video and now, looking back, I'm glad it never reached public eyes.
A subscriber found me on myspace today and sent me a message. How? I have absolutely no idea...
oh, and new song on the playlist. actually TWO new songs, both by the cure.
3 comments:
I know the feeling. Im usually always happy and sometimes when I think of the future and wonder whats next, I get kinda depressed and stuff and everyones like "Why are u so quiet?" and stuff
Lol, My homes become so quiet I kinda miss when there used to be noise :)
wDar! I've missed you!
I'm sorry about home turmoil. I know the tension, yelling, awkwardness, and depression that comes with it. It really fucking sucks. It seems like you have had to deal with a lot in your life though and you're totally turned out pretty amazing, so I know you'll make it through it.
If I gave the impression that Boston is fun, I wasn't trying to. It fucking sucks here this year. I don't think I'm ever going to visit my family here again. Nothing so serious, but minus one family, my entire network of extended family has purposely blown me off for about a week now. I would've never expected them to get so mean or cliquey, but I guess it's life.
Wow, I guess we haven't talked in a while. I feel like I'm telling you my life story. So basically I can't wait to get home and when I do you better be on AIM! I miss you! You're like the only sane person I know.
Hope everything ends up okay with your family. I remember all too well what having a shitty household is like. It's well, pretty fucking shitty. I'm sorry that you're dealing with it right now. Wouldn't you just kill to have a drama free house? Anyway, you must fill me in on your life! Did you ever go to that pool party? That concert? You know I love hearing these things!
p.s. i know we always leave each other insanely long comments, but this is ridiculously. clearly i havent had internet in far too long.
p.s. im lame. my first letter is a typo. boy, i'm tired. and i think i repeated myself a thousand times in the comment. i really should steal my cousin's computer when it isn't the middle of the night and i can think.
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