Monday, December 8, 2008

closing back up.

ugh, reading my blog posts you'd think I was bi-polar, but i'm not, I just usually like to blog when I'm either really happy about something or really sad/angry. This is one of those sad/angry times.

It's funny, because my dad told me before ( a year or so ago ) he wants me to start talking to him about guys I like and who I'm interested in and pretty much the gay side of my life, which I pretty much keep isolated from my family/homelife, simply because it's almost nonexistent.

But the ONE evening I'm ready to go downstairs and talk to my dad about guys, the ONE night I need to discuss with him some things and hopefully get his input/advice/guidance/whatever the fuck you want to call it, The ONE night I'm ready, he decides to go off on me.

I've blogged about this before and I'm not about to get myself angry by getting into again, look through my old blogs. My parents like to go mad over the most insignificant shit possible. Sure, it may be annoying, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter, to a well-adjusted person it doesn't matter, and they don't seem to pay too much attention to anything positive I do..

Anyway, simply put, the one night I was about to open up to my dad and talk to him in a way that I almost never do, he decides to act a fucking fool and yell over some really stupid crap. LOL, like I'm ever going to open up to him now. I guess that's what friends are for.

I'm grateful for the friends that I have who listen to me, without them, I wouldn't know who to turn to.

Thank you.

And thanks Dad, for showing me the value of my friendships and how much I need to appreciate them when you act like that.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

another twitter blog.

my father is beginning to trust me more than ever. Especially when I go out with friends. it's astonishing, and makes me so happy.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

[ x ]

Despite the awesome day earlier, cruel reality slapped me in the fucking face tonight.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Music Scenes.

I love the whole "sense" of community one can get from just about anything.

One of the types of communities I love most though is the music community.

Music artists hooking up and doing shows together, doing side bands/projects together, collaborating on songs/albums, it's fucking fascinating. I really wish I was a musician. Maybe I should try to be a musician, I often come up with tunes and lyrics in my head by never really write them down. I have a guitar and an amp that I don't know how to use. I wish I had a synth/keyboard though... maybe I'll get lucky this Christmas?

A friend of mine, who's going to college now, sent me a message today. We had gone to the same high school in Kentcuky, and I moved away to Ohio and he moved away to Brazil (i know, right?). He told me he was back in town (Louisville, KY), and that him and another musical schoolmate of mine were playing some shows together and that I should come :) This made me soooo fucking jealous.

Not only because they were back in Louisville and I'd love to live there again, but because they were both awesome live musicians collaborating together and i LOVE that.

I wish I could go to one of their shows. I'm putting links to their myspaces at the end of this blog. Check them out. Listen to their stuff. And add them as friends.

I really want to get a synth/keyboard. I've made full-length songs using certain computer programs before, but now I want the real thing.

Anyone wanna start a band with me? :)

Friday, November 7, 2008

The Start Of My Book.

The floor was cold, wet, and hard. My head throbbed and ached with searing pain as I struggled to lift my eyelids open. Once I fully awoke, I tried to focus on something. Anything.

There was an intensely bright fluorescent light hanging from the ceiling above. The walls of this strange space were made of concrete. As I focused harder on the walls, I noticed that there were deep scratches in them, and I’m quite sure I spotted a fingernail.

There was the distinct smell of mildew and urine in the damp air. It was putrid and burned my nostrils with every breath I took. Each time I inhaled my lungs filled with the vile, noxious air. After only a few moments I started to taste it

I turned around on my back and looked up at the white-hot light I was under. As I moved, I heard the familiar sound of chains rubbing across the floor. I was chained to the ground. My wrists, rubbed raw from the coarse, rough, rusted iron wristbands that imprisoned me, felt numb.

While my entire body ached with pain, the top of my left palm hurt especially. I didn’t care about that right now. I stared at the blinding light trying to think. Trying to remember.

How did I end up here?

After what seemed like an eternity of vacant staring, it all started to come together.

I stood on the domed-roof of a large building with a knapsack slung over my shoulder. This structure was old. It stood out amongst the towering mountain range of glass and metal that made up the modern metropolis surrounding me.

We were at the Grand Archives of Bismaad, the most extensive and detailed library of records in the solar system. It was one of the oldest structures in this city, and certainly one of the most secure. Bismaad was one of the many cities dotting the planet of Jol, the second most populous in the solar system.

It was a cool, crisp night. Most of the city was asleep; it was after curfew. I swiftly flipped open the tele-panel on my forearm to contact the crew.

“You guys done yet?”

There was a few seconds of static before I received a garbled reply from a grouchy voice.

“Yes! Yes! Quit bugging us! We just set the explosives. We’re heading back up to the roof now.”

His name was Apatar, a large muscular man with a very defined jaw line and a seemingly perpetual scowl on his face. His shoulder length jet-black hair was tied back in a ponytail, and he wore the uniform of The Scarlet Force, the sub rosa interplanetary crime brotherhood we were apart of.

The uniform was simply a tight black jumpsuit, red goggles, and the Force’s insignia printed across the back. The insignia was the image of a red triangle with a large ‘S’ stretched across it.

Although we’ve all worn the uniform at one point or another, none of us took it too seriously, and most agents wore their everyday clothes when out on missions. Apatar was a pedantic stickler for the most insignificant rules. He had always poured all of his time and energy into the Force’s operations. None of us knew about his life prior to joining. He was a bitter man, always clinging more to robots than humans. One could never speak a word to him without expecting a harsh, caustic reply.

He was accompanied by one of the Force’s many robots. Ever since the Scarlets took over the technologically advanced metropolis planet of Gor, the brotherhood has had an army of robots to do a variety of tasks, ranging from nursing to warfare. Apatar was joined by a lock picking bot that aided him with setting explosives in key spots in the building.

Our mission: bring the whole thing down. There was to be nothing left of the Grand Archives of Bismaad but a smoking heap of rubble.

Apatar and I weren’t quite sure why the archives needed to be destroyed. In fact, one rarely was told why they needed to carry out a mission, or what the significance was, we simply did what we were ordered to do.

“Quite yer daydreamin’ and lower the goddamn rope!” shouted Apatar.

I glanced down an opening in the roof to see him with the robot, angrily staring up at me while tapping his foot. The bastard.

I reached for the coil of rope beside the opening and began to lower it down to him. Once it reached ground-level he quickly began to climb.

“About fucking time, Van! This thing is set to blow in less than a minute! Quit standing there like an idiot and make yourself useful.” Apatar barked as he reached the roof and handed me his supplies to put into the knapsack.

Once we packed all the tools, I began climbing down the side of the building. It was quite easy to get up here, the sides of the building were tiered and almost like a tall staircase. It was a stupid mistake in architecture to make for this very important building. As I reached the first tier down from the roof, I noticed Apatar wasn’t coming along. I climbed back up to see where he had gone. There was no sign of him on the roof so I peered down the opening.

Apatar had just lowered himself back into the archives and had put the robot in one of his arms.

“Just leave the damn thing! We gotta get out of here, fast!!!” I shouted to him.

“This is a very expensive unique bit of machinery! I’m not leaving it to blow up!” he exclaimed.

“We have a whole horde of them back in Gor! Just leave it!” I screamed.

“No! Quick! Pull me up!!!”

As I tugged the rope, desperately trying to pull my deranged comrade up, I couldn’t help but notice the countdown on my tele-pad. Thirty seconds left. We couldn’t make it.

“Hurry you fucking idiot!!!” I heard Apatar scream as I heaved the rope as much as I could.

Only ten seconds remained. I didn’t have time. I didn’t know what to do. Why the hell did I have to be in this horrible situation?!

I chose to try to escape with my life. I let the rope slip from my grasp, and I ran to the edge of the building. I didn’t hear a sound from Apatar, but I knew he was aware of the choice I made.

My tele-pad started beeping wildly, and I leapt from the edge of the roof. I was flying through the air. Everything seemed to be in slow-motion. I gazed down at the deserted city street that stretched below me. I heard a loud boom, and a burning heat on my back that seemed to push me with the force of a barbarous stampede. I started to fall. I was falling into blackness.

The white-hot intensity of the light seemed to be burning my retina.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The Day.

History was made today and i will never forget it :)

The chapter of American history when a "black man can't do this" or a "black man will never be that successful" is over: Barack Obama was elected President of the United States.

Sure, he's actually biracial, but he's a an of color, and by 2050 minorities will be the majority of this wonderful country.

Today has been wonderful. I'm glad I was around to see it.

Sunday, November 2, 2008


Yep, I still ain't got no job. Just got home about an hour ago from putting in an application somewhere again. Wish me luck.

My family isn't doing so well in the financial department, and money around here has been tight, I hope things work themselves out soon. I've been on welfare before, it's not fun.

I actually made a decent video late last night and I'm proud of myself :-)

The show I was supposed to be apart of at school totally got canceled, so now I have a lto of free time, which helps a lot even though the cancellation was kind've disappointing, I'm over it. Unlike many of my Drama Club/acting peers, I don't desire to have a career as a performer at all, really. I'd much rather be someone who writes, shoots, edits, and develops concepts for films. Tuesday is a Shakespeare recitation contest though, and I'm nervous as FUCK about it. Oh god, I hope I do OK. Really I'm only in it because my drama teacher sort've pressured me into it and I'd like to win a trip to New York :P

You could cut the tension in the air with a knife at my house. I don't know, my dad has been under a lot of stress lately so I can attribute a lot of the way he's been behaving to some issues, but sometimes I can't help but feel like the way he reacts to certain things is inexcusable. I hope things lighten up soon, I don't like being on-edge in my own goddamn home.

I kind've want the job just so I can be independent and show my parents that I"m slowly moving away from them. I want to have my own money, no matter how little it is, and have more freedom. I still need to take the test for my driver's permit and I've been procrastinating with that. Most of my friends want a car really bad and really, I could care less. A car is jsut one more thing I don't need that I'll have to pay for. I kind've want a moped or something small that'll get me across town when I don't feel like being at home (the feeling has become more and more commonplace these days...) , but that's about it.

About to play on my PS3 with my brother, yay sibling bonding? We talkedo n the walk home from the store we both applied to, I like talking to my brother and us actually being OK with each other, I wish we were like that more often.

I hope I don't have any homework tonight. G'night gang.