The Fear.

Twiggy isn't eating. She hasn't been for a while.


I hope she'll be alright.


Oh god I'm so worried, I love her. I can't afford a vet.

The Invitation.

Got an invitation so a social gathering. should be fun. One of my best friend's out here is throwing a pool party for her birthday.

Still unsure what I want to do for mine though. Kinda pissed the 1st day of school is the day after my 16th birthday. x_x" *sobs*

The Arena.

Hmm, Season 4 has begun in World of Warcraft. Already have a team planned out with my bud i've been playing with for a couple years now :-)

Before, I vowed never to be in an arena team with a friend simply because it leads to broken friendships or even outright dislike for each other. I've lost several friends over issues regarding arena teams and the sortl; I'm the kinda guy who likes to play for FUN, not points. Apparently most people aren't the same. Being a paladin everyone wants me to be their bitch, spec Holy, and heal them 24/7.

Now, for anyone who DOESN'T play WoW who might've read this far without falling asleep: this means i'd get to spend hours watching green bars and pressing one or two buttons. As opposed to actually playing and jumping right into the action and engage in combat >:D Which is where the real fun is.

*sigh* people don't understand.

I'm sure this next season will be great though. Diemos is the coolest person I've met on WoW and I think our friendship is strong enough to have a good time in the arenas. She's not a dumbass either.

The Arrival.

The wasteland was vast, the region was flat with the exception of the foothill she now stood upon.

As she gazed at the horizon and the great plain that stretched before her, she heard distant cries for help from the few survivors that laid amongst the fallen warriors. There were thousands upon thousands of corpses around her, everywhere, as far as the eye could see.

Suddenly the sky turned from it's usual dark grey to a sickening red.

It was time.

They had arrived.

She looked above as a red glowing vortex began to appear in the gloomy sky overhead.

She gripped her sword and let out a war cry.

The first of the beasts were beginning to spiral downward...

The Lurkers.

Stickam was being a bitch today, didn't let me get on at 12:30 AM as I had planned and announced on YouTube last night :'(

Eventually I DID manage to get online shortly after 2 AM. For a while I was sitting around, mic on, listening to a bunch of Arctic Monkeys songs.

LURKER AFTER DAMN LURKER CAME IN. And just stayed there... watching me!! O_O

Out of anger from stickam earlier but also anger at the whole idea of lurking, i totally flipped them off >:D

Then a dude came in, AT THE EXACT MOMENT I FLIPPED OFF THE CAMERA AND TOLD MY LURKERS OFF. THE TIMING WAS IMPECCABLE!!!

awkward as hell, rofl.

He was like "did i come in at a wrong time?" lmfao. I was embarrassed as shit, but also happy and laughing so hard.

I'm sure he got the wrong impression of me.

I'm still embarrassed, but i'd do it all over again :-)

The Embarassment.

New vlog JUST finished uploading and is now public :) check it out.

In it i act like a buffoon for a while, listening to the popular B-52's song , Love Shack.

I hope it brightened your day at least.

Oh, and I also mentioned this blog, but I doubt any more people while comment other than Ryan, haha, and even he will probably get bored of it after a while.

The zoo was alright, roughly 5 or 6 hot guys there, which is odd becuase usually the zoo is LOADED with them, at least in Cleveland it was.

People always question why I have an eye for attractive men in public places but claim I don't ever want to have sex with someone unless I'm in a monogamous, committed, long-term relationship. Just because I noticed a guy is hot doesn't mean I want to pounce on him and.. yeah... NO! Shelby say's I'm "boy crazy" which sounds odd and although the definition might fit me, i don't find the term itself very suiting.

So yeah, more blog exposure, I'm glad I made a video because I hadn't made one in almost two weeks. During the school year that would've been acceptable because at least I was busy with things.

During summer vacation however... that's just laziness, haha. It's not like I've had vlogger's blog or anything I've had dozens of video ideas these past two weeks, just not he energy to create.

This was a crappy blog. For all my new readers, check out my vlogs from a few days ago ( scroll down to the posts before the ultra-short blog post below) and see what's been going on in my head. I hope you won't be dissapointed :P

The Ultra-Short Post.

going to the zoo.

the end.

talk about some quality bloggin'

The Hunt.

Today was neither good nor bad, but somewhere in between.

Actually, it was tilted more towards the good side, most of the time.

Went job hunting again today, went to four or five different establishments, none of which were hiring OR were hiring anyone under aged. Which is pretty lame. The only places left immediately within decent walking distance from my house was a hair salon and a nail salon.

I definitely wouldn't be working around a nail salon, my brain is screwed up enough without noxious nail polish fumes being pumped into my bloodstream via my lungs every other second.

I'm not sure if the manager of a hair salon could trust me too long with sharp objects in my hand near someone's head. First off: I don't know how to cut hair, so that eliminates that job right there. Perhaps they're hiring for someone to clean up or something? Be a secretary and organize appointments? THAT I could do, I wouldn't mind it either, I'm hesitant to ask though. I wonder if I can use a stereotype for personal gain and tell them I'm gay to get myself hired.

Doubt it'd work.

I'm sure my desperation for money and employment has made itself obvious to you by now.

Alright, that's enough about jobs for now.

I was gonna make a video tonight but decided against it. Not for any particular reason, but I felt like logging on AIM/MSN, turning up some smooth jazz, and blogging instead :-)

As for that reminder word I left myself: rebuild.

Hmmm, I think I'll save that post for another night.

This is an odd feeling, and I'm sure this post isn't any more sturctured than my last one. Oh well.

I'm done.

PS: don't be pretentious. go listen to some Gota

adding a new song to the player, should be up in a few.

The Escape.

WARNING: this post contains a lot of bitching.

These past couple days I've been pondering a lot over some stuff G had been saying. Every once in a while over stickam he might mention something about wanting some tangible, in-person friends, as much as he loves his internet friends (us). When he said it before I really only took it lightly but never gave it some though.

Now I have. :-/ My summer has been a drag and I thought it'd be OK with the friends I made at school before the year ended. That was my goal, actually: to make friends so I wouldn't have a shitty loner summer like my last one was. Apparently I failed.

It really sucks when you chat with a friend over the phone or myspace and they tell you about last night or last weekend they had SOOO much fun with all your other friends at some party, event, or activity that was planned but you were excluded from. I'm not being selfish or clingy, I don't care to get invited to all my friends' fun things, but for loads of people to tell you they want to hang out with you over the summer, and then go out and invite everyone in your "circle" BUT you? It's kind of sad. For me anyway.

To anyone who might be reading this who have been in my stickam room before: the way I act on stickam is EXACTLY the way I act in conversation with people. I seem to make so many friends online, but never out in the world. All my in-person friends seem to be "school" friends who I only hang out with at school or at an after school event/club, never "out." I'm just confused about the amount of people online who seem to like me for who I am and literally want to be my friend (yes, I get messages from people asking if they can be my friend.) and then nobody ever wants to hang out with me out in the real world.

Now that it's summer I'm not sure how I can make friends. Can anyone suggest anything? I'm gonna try the summer job approach and have applied at three establishments, but I haven't gotten any calls back. I'm not sure how else I can meet people because going up to people at concerts and randomly talking to them seems odd to me, does it to you?

So yeah, I'm faced with a couple dilemmas:

1. Why is it that I can be myself online and get LOADS of friends and meet amazing people, but get the opposite reaction in-person with people? I make friends, but apparently none of them ever want to hang out..

2. How do I make friends this summer so it won't be completely anti-social?

This gave me an idea for tomorrow's post. Gonna type a reminder word so I don't forget: rebuild.

ps: i didn't force myself out of my blah mood today. :-(

The Damage.

Sometimes do you ever get in those "BLAH" moods? I do, I'm in one now.

Not sure what the cause was, last week I felt like I was on top of the world. Now It's just all over the place. Haven't felt like talking to too many people, haven't felt like making videos, haven't felt like going on stickam, leaving my room, being awake. I DO NOT KNOW WHY. One thing is for sure, tomorrow when I wake up, I'll be out of this slump, I'm going to force myself out of it.

I have been talking a little bit to a couple interesting folks though, both while remain unnamed. They both have really caught my interest and I'm sorting things out and wondering how I'm going to keep from fucking things up. Having a crush sucks, and having e-crushes sucks harder.

Over the next few days I'm going to play around in Photoshop a bit, I'm really bad at it compared to a lot of other people my age. I used to work every day with Paint Shop Pro. A lot of people think it's a mediocre program, but you can really do things just as amazing in it as Photoshop, it's just a little less flexible/versatile. Eventually I'll post some of my artwork on here.

Speaking of being versatile, why do a lot of gay guys ask other gay guys if they're a top/botom randomly? I wish it'd stop.

In my opinion I have some pretty low standards for meeting guys:

1. need to be drug-free
2. need to be smoke/alcohol-free
3. isn't interested in having sex with me anytime soon.

Notice how I have nothing regarding appearance or anything in that list, just three simple things. But 99% of the gay/bi guys I meet in person are in "violation" of at least two of these, ugh. I just want to meet a nice geeky guy who likes to read and play video games and wouldn't mind being geeky with me.

Sorry for that wild stream of thought, I'll try to be more structured next time.

The Crash.

This is where it starts. A personal online journal of whatever happens to pop up in my head or affect my life :P

Not sure how connected to YouTube this blog is going to be. I guess I can't say I've severed all connection having just linked my channel. Probably going to mention this in a video one of these days too. Just one.

But anyway, to any of you looking to read anything incredibly action-packed and entertaining, you might want to pass onto the blog next door, this blog is going to feature a lot of what goes on in my head, including artwork, photos, possibly literary art of some sort, [ DREAMS ], rants, loves, things lost, thoughts, etc. Just an online journal for me to reflect on later.

In other words, if you want to know me on an even more personal level than those who watch my YouTube videos, this is a good place to start (although I will warn you I'm a pretty strange person). I plan on blogging on a very regular basis, even more than my videos because this is a LOT easier to do. I doubt this blog will receive nearly as much traffic as my vids.

This particular post is pretty dull, pretty lame, pretty flat, and I apologize -_-" Not much going on right now. I'll post some info here though:

1. My summer has been dull and I feel bad for not getting out at ALL and doing absolutely nothing, I need to step up pretty soon.

2. Just got my grade report for the last year from school today. Seven 'A's and one 'B+' . I swear if there's some sort of deity up there in the cosmos, he or she really likes to fuck with me. This ONE B+ has stained my report card and making my dad question whether or not I'm deserving of a new MacBook to replace my tired old PC we built in our living room years ago.

3. I think I might be getting closer to a certain crush I have. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like dudes, and I'm pretty sure I'm being a hypocrite for telling people how I think crushing on straight guys is pointless, and then going back and doing it myself.

4. Stickam should be fun tonight, I've been so stressed running around town planning the awesome father's day that happened yesterday that I really didn't have the time or energy to be up all-night acting a fool in Travis' room. I also feel bad for telling Gian to get on stickam a LOT more and then the nights following, not getting on stickam myself.

Alright I'm done. And you're probably asleep.

I'll try to post every day.