The Confusion.

Life has been up and down since my last blog, currently up :-)

I've been getin' lazy as you can tell (my two readers, lol) and I apologize. I actually just thought about shuttin' down this blog and sticking with vlogs, but I convinced myself not to.

As of late, nothing really exciting has been going on that I haven't mentioned in a video. I do have a question for ya'l though, and I might not vlog about this:

The other day I was out and I saw* a fairly attractive guy, so of course I was gawking like a creep (not really, but I was checking him out.) And then after hearing his voice, I realized it was a girl! :O

Well, I was quite shocked but also amused. That still didn't change the fact that I thought she was hot, because she was.

Now, I've been identifying myself as being gay, but what does that experience make me exactly? I THOUGHT she was a guy so I thought she was pretty hot, but then she wasn't and I still thought she was hot.

Without sounding too perverted, but after I'm in a long-term commmitted relationship with someone, I eventually plan on having sex (sometime before i die.. x_x"). I just can't find a woman's "parts" atractive, in any way shape or form. Ew.

So my question is, am I still really gay? What does it mean if I like a girl because I thought she was a guy but after I found out the truth, she was still hot.


confusing stuff, and I'm not entirely sure how to word it without it sounding even more confusing.

The Shock and Surprise.

Someone at school youtubes.


so fucking rad.


SO fucking rad...

I'll get to posting a full length vlog one of these days... eventually... >_>"

The Bullshit.

I honestly don't even know why I try to be the "good son" anymore.

The Pointless Drama.

My family has been a mess for a while now.

IT seems like our house is some kind of war-zone. Everyone seems to be aftereveryone else, trying to point out their screw-ups and making the biggest issue out of things while simultaneously claiming to "not care."

"Should he really have that in his room? I think you should go talk with him about it. BUt I don't care" If you don't care about something then STFU and don't bring shit up. Obviously you do care if you chose to say something about it being a little nosy pest.

Lately I've been walking on eggshells around everyone in the house, including my dad, who seems ready to be angry at insignificant thigns for no reason. Me leaving a dish in the sink is a LOT less important than our dysfuncitonal family, maybe people should focus on THAT problem instead.

I've been staying in my room as much as possible these days. God I can't wait until college comes around, then i'll be free, I wish I had a job so at least I'd be out and away from this madness for a few hours everyday, but no such luck.

Oh well, I'm going to Kentucky and trying to plan a visit with my best friends soon, that should take my mind off things. The school year starting will be another nice distraction. I hope I can get a job though, at this point I just want to be away, I barely care about the money.

The Sixteen Day Hiatus.

those are good... right?

I've actually been online for most of that time, rethinking things and reflecting on the current state of my life. A LOT of major drama has popped up in recent weeks and it's driving me mad.

My brother might get kicked out, along with my stepmother's brother, he's 50/50 with me, annoying as hell half the time, but sometimes e can be cool. My brother and I are usually annoying the hell out of each other but occasionally we're almost-sorta-semi-OK with each other.

As you can imagine, there has been plenty of yelling, tension, and awkward moments in my house during all of this. I haven't felt like myself and the past couple days my dad's been pestering me about my mood and why I've been saying life is "OK" rather than my usually answer of "pretty darn good."

Things have been eating away at me and it's not just all this drama at home, a lot of it is internal struggle and still questioning who and what I am. The last time I felt like this was when I first realized my attraction for men. I hate this feeling.

In other news, I'm going to be headed up to Louisville, KY next month, should be pretty fun as it's the only thing I've done all summer. I'm really trying to organize something with my friends, particularly my two best friends up there, Shelby and Natalie.

As I'm typing this there is a LOT of screaming in the house from my little, undisciplined brat stepsisters. On rare occasions they can be good, especially when they're around my father who doesn't take any one's bullshit, but almost any other time they're wild as fuck. Let me go shut the door..

Haven't talked to Ryan in a while on AIM or Myspace. Well, there was an exchange of comments the other day, but not the usual late-night AIM chats we've been having. If you're reading this Ryan I'M SORRY! I hope you don' think I'm blowing you of or something. I know you've been in Massachusetts and everything so you probably have been crazy busy with the fun stuff to do out there.

Gonna try to make a video tonight. I actually made one two days ago but it got interrupted because I disconnected while uploading. It was a shit video and now, looking back, I'm glad it never reached public eyes.

A subscriber found me on myspace today and sent me a message. How? I have absolutely no idea...


oh, and new song on the playlist. actually TWO new songs, both by the cure.

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Still unsure of how things are going to turn out. :-/

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I'm not sure what's going on right now. Might not have internet access for a WHILE.

I'm sorry and if my connection is lost I'll get in contact with you guys ASAP, whenever that may be.